New Valley City

First off, let the valley secede. For chrissakes anywhere that has a completely different climate than the rest of the city might as well govern itself. Ok, sure, I know next to nothing about this issue, but going “over the hill” or “to the 818” is pretty definitely a different place. The temperature, for starters – whew. The first act of the New Valley City (my proposed name) might be to erect enormous fans to artificially simulate the sea breeze that keeps the non-valley portion of LA livable.

Actually my mother’s house is just barely on the LA side of the Santa Monica Mountains. “Just barely” is pretty meaningful as it does get the aforementioned sea breeze. But just a jump away is the valley (read: One and half minute drive including the u-turn out the driveway). Apart from the 15 degree rise in the temperature, the valley does seem to have it’s own culture or rhythm or whatever. And actually, it’s a sort of interesting one. The second hand stores kick ass. They’re huge and cheap. And it’s always cool to see all the Goth kids defy the hundred degree heat and the concrete expanse of Ventura Blvd to stalk along in all black and a kilo of makeup as if it was all actually a cemetery in autumn, somewhere much much farther north.

This article, Valley’s Seamy Side Has Its Say on Secession, from the LA Times is kind of a riot too. I’m not sure who comes off worse, New Valley City, the porn stars who live there, or the Times for writing such trash.

On a WNYC radio show this AM was a segment on the secession battle. Richard Riordan and a rep from the secession movement duked it out over the phone. All through it you could practically touch the smugness coming off of the New Yorker host of the show. He hadn’t much to say except piped in occasionally to say things like, “Since when is there is downtown in LA??” Both guests, a bit taken aback by the his unabashed snottyness, could only answer with a whines like, ‘There is tooooo a downtown… Ok ok, maybe not a New York downtown, but…still…[mumble mumble].” Admittedly it’s hard to defend LA to New Yorkers. I stopped trying years ago partly because it was too tiring, but mostly because I usually agreed with the jabs. But I only agreed in a very abstract way with a smile that secretly said, “You think you know how ridiculous it is over there, but you don’t really know, you east coast wuss.” Still, i always end with a wistful, “Well the weather is amazing.” It is if you’re on the other side of New Valley City anyway.

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