I saw From Hell last

I saw From Hell last night. I know it’s old news in the States but here it’s making it’s first theater run. First off, Johnny Depp looks damn hot in this movie. Does he always look this hot and i forget, or is this one special? Dunno. Second, no one should go see this alone at night. Totally scary. Anyway, i liked it. It got sort of bad reviews, and i’m pretty harsh on movies and still i can say i liked it. The cinematography-mise en scene-whatever was amazing. The colors, the sets, the light on people’s faces was perfect. That being said there was something sort of wrong with it. The story was a good story, and the writing was good as well – it was like the pacing was off or something. I found myself waiting for something to happen, even when things were happening. But really scary and gruesome, in a good way. Had to take an Alka-Seltzer before bed.

Insomnia Update: Maybe things are getting a bit back to normal. Took a long time to fall asleep again last night, but only woke up once (briefly) in the middle of the night. I think i need to try exercising.

PS: This Bjork video is so fucking cool. If the people of the future talk about late 20th century art (or early 21st century art?? – whatever time period this is), they should really include Bjork videos. Yeah, they probably won’t. Via delete yourself

How’s the swollen eye? A

How’s the swollen eye? A teeny tiny bit better. The weird gel might be working.

More about neille’s health: So lately i’ve been having some pretty substantial insomnia. For about a week now. This is really quite uncharacteristic of me. I really dig my sleep. Especially in the winter, i have to talk myself out of jumping into bed the second i get home from work. I didn’t do much about it. I once heard some radio MD say that insomnia is great because it cures itself. Which makes sense, so i’ve been waiting. But i haven’t really been overly tired from my lack of sleep. So insomnia: not being cured. It’s really not so bad except that i am running out of English language reading material, and i just feel like an overall doof laying awake in bed at 4am.

Anyway last night i decided to take matters into my own hands and take some sleeping pills. They’re over the counter french ones, and i dunno, pretty strong from what i can tell. I’ve never tried American ones cause like i said i generally *never* have problems sleeping. I got these from a friend for my trans-atlantic flights as an antidote to the awful screaming child always seated directly behind me.

So i must have fallen into some sort of beyond REM trans-consciousness sleep because i had the most fucked up dream ever. Honestly it was the sort of thing therapists pray for. I’ve been told several times that the most boring thing is talking about your dreams, so i’ll spare the details and just say it was basically me at a party with many rooms confronting every single fucking anxiety and insecurity i have right now. I think i actually woke myself up because i instinctively knew i couldn’t take anymore. I mean usually you have one or two anxieties and such illustrated in your dreams, but like 6? 10? Seriously, work issues, friend issues, boy issues, my damn cat issues for chrissakes – they were all there. It was The Last Supper and all of neille’s fears were invited. Yeesh – i was gonna need to be committed if it went on any longer.

Needless to say, i was traumatized and awake at about 6am, with that sleeping pill head-like-concrete feeling, just staring at my digital clock trying to recover. Hell, i’m still trying to recover. It’s warm milk and cookies from here on out.

(What, you didn’t really think i was gonna tell you what my anxieties and insecurities are didya?)

I got to this :

I got to this :

hopefully a comedy, pt. 1 – 0(zero)format

from TMN today and it’s Really freaking me out. I woke up today with both my eyes swollen (on monday it was just the left one). This happened to me once before a few months back. I went to the pharmacist here (pharmacists here actually know a few things and are helpful) and she gave me this topical gel. It helped that last time, but i forgot i had it until this morning. It didn’t occur to me until just now that waking up with 1.5 black eyes could be more serious than some sort of practical joke that fate plays every so often. I may be the opposite of a hypochondriac; i always think that any ailment i have is just an accidental blip in the wiring. And that it will go away on it’s own in a coupla days. Residual feelings of immortality that one should have put to rest at age 13. That’s why it took me 4 months straight (and a few years on and off before then) of shooting pain my my hand for me to maybe consider having someone look at it. Diagnosis on the hand: Tendonitis in two places. Treatment: a)Take triple the recommended dosage of over the counter anti-imflammatories for apx the rest of your life, or b)Switch careers to one not involving Adobe Illustrator and/or a mouse. Bleeding ulcer vs. poverty? I chose the former but am certainly still holding the latter under consideration. And just so nobody gets the wrong impression, i’m certainly a neurotic bundle of neurosis, but i tend to focus it on problems of the psyche. That or the weather.

Erm..ok.. back to the swollen eyelids, so ordinarily, i’d make a doctors appointment and put it out of my mind. That would be if i were in a country where the doctors spoke my language and i understood how any of it works. Granted, despite fluency in English, health care in the States can no way be called comprehensible. But after a few years on the field i get it. Here? Well.. i did once have a really hot doctor make a house call in the middle of the night, but i was pretty much dying then. And i hadn’t french health care yet, and besides when you’re dying (violently), you’ll pay full fare, and happily. Now i’ve got a health care card, a booklet i can’t understand, but no social security number. I’m supposedly going to get that letter about the SS# any day now. Hmm.. In the face of all this, Wegener’s granulomatosis hardly seems worth it. By the way, if i’ve got a terminal illness you can bet the first thing i’m gonna do is start smoking again.

But really, i can’t start thinking terminal illness just cause fate decided to make me look especially assy today. I would add snarkily, just in time for valentines day, but valentine’s day is such a bore from all angles that i’m already mad at myself for mentioning it twice in the last sentence. The good side is that i poked around 0(zero)format am quite the convert. i.d. is pretty much the best “about me” type thing i’ve ever read. This eye thing better be a joke, for everyone. Yeah comedy, yes.

I finally signed up for

I finally signed up for an unlimited movie pass today (yes – unlimited movies – 16 euros a month – yes!), and stumbled into Donnie Darko. I hadn’t heard of it at all. Really quite good. The website is also kinda cool, though it’s a bit more sci-fi than the film.. although the film was a little sci-fi.. but i probably didn’t notice cause that’s not so much my bag..

anyway, beware the avalanche of movies heading to this blog.

So i had my first

So i had my first french class yesterday. It’s been a while since i was in any sort of “learning atmosphere”. The teacher was dressed in head to toe leather, But aren’t french teachers always sort of wacky in some way?

All we did was take a test. I don’t know if it was an entrance exam, or like an exam for the teacher to know what our level was, but it blew. I conjugated some verbs, picked out some articles, and wrote a fake letter about a fake french family. Memories of high school hurtled back into my psyche. Yuk. I made my french family highly dysfunctional, with the father harboring a secret fear that the children were not really his. All in the present tense bien sur.

School: i forgot whatta pain it was…

I went to lunch at

I went to lunch at the cheap Turkish restaurant near the office. It’s always good. I like the Turkish place because the food is always better than i expect it to be. I like the crowd, which is half hospital workers, and slightly trashy french high school students. I like hearing the guys shout across the room in Turkish to each other. Because i only spoke Turkish when i was very young, and only really remember it in my early childhood in Orange County, it’s like this childhood secret for me. I am only accustomed to hearing it out of the mouths of people i am related to. When i hear it at the restaurant, i alternately feel like i’m in on a big secret, and someone stole my secret.

The men who work there know i’m Turkish and all have varying degrees of crushes on me. My obvious struggle with both the Turkish and French language only endears me to them further i am guessing. One guy came over and asked me if i wanted a cafe. I said “Non merci”, but a minute later he was back with a cafe and told me it was on him. I thanked him, embarrassed, and caught sight of myself in the mirror. I woke up with my left eye practically swollen shut this morning, it’s still barely open. i scrubbed my face hard in attempt to make my eyes open, so my skin is shiny and a bit raw, from the scrubbing and biting wind today. I’m leaning on the counter next to the table, my head leaning on my folded forearm, my whole body crouched over my book. I have become The Shy Quiet Girl. What do people see in The Shy Quiet Girl? I find her a total bore. Certain men like The Shy Quiet Girl. I am highly suspicious of them. Who wants to talk to someone who has nothing to say in return? And why?

You finally screw up the

You finally screw up the courage to ask the hot thing for his/her digits. S/he gives it with a smile. Life is great, you’re humming a tune to yourself on the way home. You give it a few days, prepare yourself by the phone, dial, and get This. Ouch!

via yesterday’s All Thing’s Considered

More crumbs: “These animals do

More crumbs:

“These animals do get stressed when, for instance, they are being chased by polar bears,” said Naomi Rose, marine mammal scientist. Funny how the meaning of “stress” differs so much between humans and animals. I do get stressed, for instance, when my stapler jams (oh and chased by polar bears too).

And since today the blog

And since today the blog is a bunch of tiny crumbs under your chair… The sunsets outside my office window are strikingly beautiful every single day.

[sigh] This photo just really

[sigh] This photo just really made me miss New York. What is it about Jami’s stuff that always does that to me?!?