my horoscope this week slipped in the thought, the more you lose, the more you gain. now what could that mean? lose my brooklyn life and start afresh in paris? lose my job and gain freedom here??
yesterday i ran into this girl W. on the train. it’s kinda funny because W and i have never really been friends. we’ve just been running into each other about once a year for the past 6 years and having sort of “deep” conversations about what the fuck we’re doing with our lives. i met her because she was a friend of my then-boyfriend’s high school girlfriend. yeah.. it’s a bit sketch. said boyfriend had the brilliant idea that me and his ex would be really good friends. i can sort of relate to his thinking. i think we all can sort of see how our significant others would/should/could get along real well. but in practice it is way too weird for many reasons. you never know that when you are 18 tho. so i met W through her and yesterday, for the first time in forever, we went and had a couple drinks.
it was neat – i have so few friends these days who are so earnest about being an “artist.” she wants to make films in beirut, i think. who knows why – they do have a film festival i guess, and the landscape seems cinematic for sure. anyway, we talked about family, films, where you are supposed to be at 24, angelina jolie, and of course, paris. we actually ran into each other one summer in paris. and i went to her apartment which was a really small studio that she shared with another woman. silly as i was then, i saw one big bed and was like,
“you have a roommate here? you two must really get along.”
and she was like,
“uh yeah, you could say that.”
the possibility of her being gay only dawned on me much later. what a dope i sounded like!? hah!
—
side note: this guy just called me because i showed up on his caller ID at 8:35pm last night. he knew my name and everything. i’ve called this guy by accident before too because his number is one digit away from a friend’s number. so he’s called me before with this same question, pronouncing my name quite wrong, of course. the days of calling the wrong number and hanging up on a strangers answering machine without having to explain yourself are over, i guess. i mean doesn’t he feel stupid calling me? what is he expecting a strangers hang-up-on-an-answering-machine call to turn out to be? “Hi yeah i’m so-and-so and i’m actually your long lost daughter..” or something.. ?? just strange..
—
anyway i now forgot what if anything i had to say about W except i’m glad i ran into her and i feel like it’s another sign from above that i should go away.. i mean if she can go to beirut for chrissakes.. (btw “chrissakes” under spell-checking brings up “teriyakis”)…
i think i’m supposed to be drawing elephants at the moment [sigh]….
the entry of the moment is going to have to be about words.
firstly, the OED (that’s the Oxford English Dictionary for those of you not in the lexicographic know) has decided to add doh to their next dictionary printing. someone i was talking with last night made the astute observation that they always throw in these “controversial” pop-culture words to get some press for the otherwise slightly, err, dry dictionary biz.
secondly, my boss used, in absentia in an IM the other day. that’s a really cool word. the project of the week is to causally toss that sucker into a conversation. stay tuned for continuing coverage…
thirdly, the m-w word of the day is a good one:
fungible • \FUN-juh-bul\ • (adjective)
1 : being of such a nature that one part or quantity may be replaced by another equal part or quantity in the satisfaction of an obligation
*2 : interchangeable
Example sentence:
“The setting is Ireland in the 1950s, but, a cynical reader might reflect, this sort of fiction is so common that the characters will be completely fungible.” (Susan Isaacs, The New York Times Book Review, December 1990)
i’m not really going to try that one in conversation though.
more later//
maybe i should title this blog, sightings of an industry meltdown
i just got this e-mail from i guy i very tangentially know:
I’ve got a work emergency.
A potential global client is coming over to our office at 5:00 to “COUNT BODIES.” Needles to say, we need more of them.
If you can come by and look like an Ad Person, which is real easy, the agency will take you all out for a night of major drinking.
And you’d be helping me out Big Time!
The address is M&C Saatchi, 895 Broadway
between 19th & 20th. 5th Floor.
THANKS!
i put the addy cause… what the f–?!?. i suppose first you lay off most of the staff and then you hire extras to act like the staff by promising them the devil’s firewater, which they gladly take cause they’ve been laid off….
Did we need anymore proof that times are as tough as desert dried rawhide? Check out this job listing from the New York New Media Association for a Freelance Web Designer . Pay special note to the “non-negotiable” hourly rate. Makes putting on a paper hat and standing over a fryer a bit more appealing – at least Mickey D’s gives you health insurance!
i must be making up for lost time (3 days was it?)
but if you have HBO (i don’t but i’m catsitting for a cat that does):
I saw Long Night’s Journey into Day at the theater a few weeks ago. what’s going on in South Africa is immensely captivating. it makes you think that if people can’t do things “right”, maybe they can come kind of close. which for us politically cynical folks, might make us a touch hopeful. try and catch it.
and also i saw a trailer for A Stranger Inside which captivated me in that sexy editing sort of way. if i’m still catsitting when it comes on…
oh man – it can’t be. suck is gone [sniff sniff]
Salon.com Technology | Sucked company
just more proof that “the party’s over”. i never use moticons but…
:(
a summer rain has started to fall and i found a decent and very cheap white wine at the neighborhood liquor store. these sharp quick storms always give me pause. must be because i come from LA where there is barely any rain, and when there is it seems to be cloudy for days before and after and the rain, it just sort of sputters out apprehensively. not like these new york summer storms which are all rage and quickness. and five minutes later it’s already over. i remember my first summer in nyc, i sat in my 3rd floor window overlooking Broadway writing about this crazy weird storm:
the summer rain started again. huge and straight down. i heard screams from the street fair, looked outside and it was pouring, even thunder (or was it a truck?). this city is so strange. and then it’s life is gone – it just ends. the rain that is, not the city, the city goes on and on and on and on..
i wrote that in my favorite purple pen. it was 5/9/95. holy smokes! it’s time for me to flee this crazy place, right?!? so i just took out my old journal just to look for that entry, but i am thinking about going outside on the fire escape and reading through it.
i have an italian movie to see tonight but i missed the 6:50 show and now i feel like i should work on my portfolio (though i seem to have a serious block where that is concerned) instead of going to the 9:10. plus it is $9 which just seems ridiculous even though this one counts as a “film” i suppose, which makes $9 only slightly more excusable.
we shot part of “The Hallway Movie” at work today which would have been fun except that i wasn’t in the mood due to an accute sense of reality setting in. [sigh] reality, why do you have to set in, huh??? you rat bastard you.
i walked home over the bridge today. i think i will try to make that a three-day-a-week activity. when i got home i had to do the sweaty summer peeling off of my jeans. the summer has set in and by the end of the day i seem to be pasted into my clothes. my cat , meanwhile, has pasted herself on the windowsill where a nice lil’ breeze makes it’s way in. it was only 70 in paris today on the other hand. is that good or bad? i haven’t decided yet.
the kind of unimaginable yet totally obvious thing has happened. People are reading my blog. i wanted people to read it, of course. that’s why i made it public, put it on the web, submitted the link.. i imagined people i didn’t know stumbling across these pages when they were bored, or when they were supposed to be doing something else. and getting caught up in my life just a little bit. the way i explore other people’s blogs, journals and homepages. i love the web for that. i love how it allows us to expose ourselves in this semi-complete, semi-finished way. W and i were talking about design once and he said something like,
“the thing with computers and design is that everything has the impression of being finished and considered.”
for better or worse. maybe this is why i like printmaking so much. the process is so long and arduous, and that’s just the production part. a lot of thinking and changing and “art” gets made in what can really be called the drudgery of the process.
but anyway, so people are reading: friends, acquaintances, strangers, and my parents (arg). of course the folks are horrified and worried, but aren’t they always? i got a freakout e-mail from my mom to this effect a few days ago. the strangers reading though, i think that’s really cool. kind of what i wanted. the friends and acquaintances i always worried about. would they think i was silly and lame deep down? putting a few paragraphs up a day about what you are really thinking is a lot of material for someone to judge you by.
so i’ve been thinking today and yesterday about why i’m doing this. what i wanted from it. and what it has given me so far. i guess when i first started i was having a sort of boy-induced self-esteem crisis. i wanted to write to give my own thoughts and feelings some weight, as they were being so utterly ignored by, what felt like, the rest of the whole god damn world. a few days later, everything was intensified by the news of my office being closed in July. a lot of what i’ve written is sad, and down. i’ve been sad and down. the world is a difficult place, even for the young and cheery.
it’s become something really nice for me, every entry. i think about the events that i’ve gone through and what they mean to me, what they are teaching me, and how i am relating to the world. it’s not about gossip, or venting, or saying anything. that bad things can make a good blog entry perks me up. and thinking that i can make something just by noticing and putting it down makes me proud.
now i try to write in my paper journal and i can’t do it. i can’t imagine not linking, not putting in pics, not bolding for emphasis!
also, because i don’t allow myself to gossip or vent, and i try not to talk about particular people in any way beyond retelling of an event, this has forced me to think about things a bit longer, maybe in a more finished way.
anyway last night i went to a yankee game with a bunch of friends. six out of seven of us were unemployed (or imminently unemployed). it was pretty funny, in a sad funny kind of way. i think i got sick though. there was a lot of yelling because someone on the yanks hit a grand slam. we sat behind the road crew for oasis, the band. they are at radio city now i guess. most of the guys were english, they were loving the game, but wondering where the fighting was. heh. i have a lot more impressions on yankee stadium. it was my first time there, but i have a tennis date in a bit. i’m hoping not to be too rusty…
yesterday i bought 40 lbs of potting soil and repotted 3 of my plants who were outgrowing their meager dwellings. i heard someone say that planting and gardening requires hope and implies permanence. that’s probably why i’ve been putting it off so long. but i just couldn’t stand the guilt of seeing those poor things all scrunched up anymore.
i have basil, dill, cilantro, catgrass, catnip, an ordinary green thing, and one other herb i can’t remember. i got them all (except for the anonymous green one) as martha stewart kits from Kmart. they’re pretty awesome – everything took off right away. i bought them of course before the big ax came down at the office. now i am loath to make my place any nicer in case i have to leave for one reason or another.
it was either some weird premonition or just yer garden variety jewish pessimism, but i didn’t decorate or my place for months. i had this fear, because it’s so nice, i wouldn’t be able to keep it.
my father does not understand how an a place can be so important. he says, “Why are you so attached to an apartment? Another one will come along.” clearly he does not live in nyc. clearly he never has. clearly. people here kill for an apartment. and i understand the sentiment! for the first time since i graduated, i found a place that i genuinely love. so much light, nice neighbors, kids playing on the street, a great local bar, and NO roommates. i’ve lived in 5 nyc apts (and then a handful of dorm rooms but those don’t count):
1. a converted closet in the east village. i don’t know how i survived this one.
2. a tenement-like place in williamsburg. my room served double duty as a hallway.
3. a small 1 bedroom in south williamsburg. stoop belonged to crack dealers, girl next door shot in stairwell once.
4. massive loft above garbage recycling way station in dumbo. revolving door of weird roommates with the one staple being an unemployed german drummer. did i mention there were no walls?
anyway – the kiss of life in the city i realized was liking where you lived. even now when everything sucks, i can be in my own little haven… but is it worth everything sucking to have a little haven?
btw my horoscope just told me to see a shrink
Free Will Astrology ~ Horoscope-Capricorn
sheesh!
New Angeles Monthly, June 2008
Weekend America, March 30, 2008
Los Angeles Times, March 13, 2008
Los Angeles Times, March 6, 2008
Nil by Mouth is written by Neille Ilel. Neille is a writer, reporter and user interface specialist in Los Angeles. If you think that's a lot, she's also got a host of meandering sidelines including improv comedy, tennis, cooking, drawing and thinking about learning to play the guitar.
Nil is her given name. It's a long story.
E-mail her here:
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