so i’m up to my

so i’m up to my ears in New York City Tenants Right’s sites. there’s even a site where you can browse the latest NYC Housing Court Decisions. now in the midst of deciding whether to arrange my sublet legally or illegally. of course i’d rather be honest with my landlord about the whole thing. but if you’re in the city, you know that landlords are actually the devil’s spawn put on earth to make things just a bit more difficult and expensive than they already are. honesty’s for suckers, right?

I watched the graduation episode

I watched the graduation episode of American High tonight.

Notable quotable: They struggled with grades, love, and football. Ordinarily i eat this shit up. But I really hate the show. Let me count the reasons:

1. it makes me feel old

2. the “reality show editing” is suspicious

3. it makes me feel old

4. the Chicago/Midwestern accents set me on edge. i mean they all look normal..

5. sponsored by Coca-Cola (did you know “Coca-Cola” is in spell-check? This is the dictionary spelling. Silly me i was gonna write cocacola.)

5. everyone’s so well groomed. these kids have been plucking their eyebrows since before fingerpainting (fingerpainting, on the other hand is not in spell-check).

6. it’s so high school, it reminds me of my high school; and i’ve been trying really hard to repress those 4 years.

7. and yeah it makes me feel damn old.

luckily it’s the web and there’s always someone saying something nasty. who was it that said, If you don’t have anything nice to say about someone, come sit by me?

everything is breaking – visor, cell phone, laptop is crashing. is it the absurd heat?

so if you are close enough to high school to remember (or have been unsuccessful in memory-repression), most of the kids

//–begin valley-speak–//

would b,e like, the totally popular kids.

//–end valley-speak–//

and what’s really quite annoying they all seem so deep and self-aware. i mean the popular kids were supposed to be shallow and superficial and inauthentically happy, right? apparently not.

nevertheless i went to the site and browsed the chat room. teehee someone’s called himself “NietzscheBoy”. ohh high school[sigh]. well i only watched the first 2 episodes and this last one so i really don’t know what happened in between. i can only guess it was grades, love, and football.

ok – i’m already sorry i’ve devoted this much time, sweat (it’s damn hot), and clicking to this…

I can’t believe i missed

I can’t believe i missed this in ’96
big green button

did you?

horrifying realization of the day

horrifying realization of the day is that main e-mail address was bouncing messages all over the place because the mailbox size was set to 5000 bytes. meaning it is quite possible that the “dream job” (sorta) at CU that I sent a resume to and heard nothing from, tried to contact me and was swiftly sent:

User mailbox exceeds allowed size

aww man!

so it has been a

so it has been a crazy morning because at about noon i just decided to decide and i decided to fucking-go-to-france! (and yes that deserves an exclamation point). a scary big wild crazy adventure… maybe? i will load up on zyban too – so maybe i can possibly maybe not start smoking again (i know, not bloody likely). so i’ve been sending off various e-mails alerting the family and friends, as well as work folks…

the biggest reason for me to go is to get away from new york city, even if it turns out to be for just a short while. I can not believe that in september it will be 7 years that i’ve been here. that is an awfully long time. i’ve turned from a kid into an adult here (and perhaps back and forth a few times after that..). most all my “first”s happened in the few square miles of manhattan.

my friend’s mom says that nyc is like a bad husband: it treats you awful most all the time, but you keep going back because when he’s good, he’s so amazingly good. like the first day of spring, like when you have a train conductor with a great voice, like when you hear an amazing band/dj just because you were thirsty and that was the first place that was open. but mostly he treats you like dirt. is it worth it? might be. i haven’t decided. maybe this will help me to decide. i’ve met amazing people here for sure. but i’m that breed of naive who thinks that most people are amazing, if you let them be.

i know everyone says you can’t get away from yourself, but in a way i think i can. i said to R yesterday that things just aren’t exciting to me anymore. if i leave maybe they will be again. or maybe i won’t care. or maybe i will have had enough.

i leave partly because of L too. because something about that whole mess made “sad” pop out of every street corner. and i don’t know what i’ve learned or how i’ve grown from that; apart from maybe recognizing that nothing short of a universe exists in the psyche of another human being. and it takes great caring to build bridges between us. the kind of caring that some people might not be capable of. and that is very sad. how will leaving help that? i don’t know. but i think it might. maybe in a culture older than ours, one which doesn’t package everything in plastic and tack the word “Disposable” in front of every noun, real caring comes more naturally. maybe deeper relationships are formed there. and maybe i just won’t be reminded of him all the time.

in other news, i’ve started playing tennis again, and that feels good. i think i have become a much better player now than i was in high school (when i played for 3 hours everyday) for 2 reasons. first i’ve let go of that serious competitiveness that actually just made me choke a lot. and second, i have a lot more anger now which translates into some pretty powerful strokes.

i can’t seem to find a tennis partner that begins and ends on the tennis court, though. last summer’s tennis partner is relentless in trying to get me to go out with him (which will never happen, ever, ever ever) and i’ve told him so in those words exactly. but i saw him on the court yesterday and we have a play-date today. the new one asked me to a movie last week and dinner last night – both of which i surreptitiously turned down. but what the fuck? must be something about kicking a guy’s ass that makes him all hot and bothered or something… EWW. cause that’s certainly not happening to me off the court. (EWW again)

work quote of the day:

Going to work sort of reminds me of in-school suspension. You don’t have to go to class, but you still have to show up.


this just in… in breaking

this just in…

in breaking news today, i have officially said “Oui!” to Paris

and ^this^ will soon be my daily commute.

click on the picture to visit ParisZoom where there are many more cute lil’ pics of Paris ordinary-ness.

reason #8983 to hate microsoft:

reason #8983 to hate microsoft: PhotoDude’s Web Log: A New Browser to Whine About. I’m considering Opera immersion therapy.

tee hee – this is

tee hee – this is fun:

Disgruntled Housewife

notable quotable: Anything good is better with bacon.

Lines & Splines a typography

Lines & Splines

a typography blog recently reccomended to me by a typography nut.

after yesterday, the only thing

after yesterday, the only thing to conclude is that elephants are the weirdest looking creatures ever. i just cannot figure out what is going on underneath their trunk. i know there’s a a mouth in there somewhere, but like, what is going on with the chin?? do elephants have a neck??


in other news i had a horribly vivid dream (nightmare) last night. this guy asked me to marry him and i kinda thought it was a joke so i said sure. he had a slight resemblance to my current tennis partner. fast forward to us about to be married. the wedding hall was adjacent to an Ikea, and all the guests had to make their way through this crazy furniture obstacle course. it was like Great Adventures but all the coasters were made out of Ikea furniture [shudder]. i was really torn because i could barely spend an hour with this guy let alone a “lifetime”. i also had not put any makeup on and had these huge circles under my eyes. i was living in a dorm and had to go back. i finally decided there was no way i could go through with it and went home and went to sleep. next morning i woke up in J’s loft where all my friends who had come for the wedding were staying. thing is none of them were good friends they were all “friends of friends.” most were irritated that the reception was canceled because i didn’t show up to the ceremony. they wanted their free drinks. i felt bad about that.

well – seems that standard practice is weddings in dreams mean death. odd right? i am thinking the death of my ny life?

in other i’ve just about made up my mind to go to france. i talked to L last night and he is resolved not to spent another winter in the frozen tundra of montreal. the idea of us being in the same city again is worrisome for me. i don’t trust myself to be strong about anything, ever. and i don’t want to repeat (or even come close to) the things that have happened between us in the last months. going away seems like deliverance from that, even if it’s hard. not to mention it ain’t humid in paris, tho it is just lovely here today.

time-waster du jour: