Lame Ducky

Lately I’ve been writing entire blog entries in my head while riding the train, waiting for a date to show up, spending 20 minutes in an unmoving line at Circuit City on Sunday. And funny ones too. Witty, well written gem-like entries. And then I come home and sit in my pink plastic Ikea swivel chair and come up empty. A partial list of entries in head:

There was something I wanted to say about how at least half the people that board the train at Wall St these days are tourists.

I’ve been filing away a long tirade on the numerous women I’ve waited behind at the checkout counter at Pathmark who have $200 worth of groceries that consist of nothing but packaged, preserved, and refined food; The closest thing to fresh in one woman’s overflowing cart was a family pack of Kraft American Cheese.

Last week I got into a physical altercation (kind of) with an obviously crazy woman who was at least 200 lbs. That was a muse and a half. If it weren’t for the intervention of strangers she would have probably put me in the hospital.

I’m anxiously awaiting word from two very interesting, and well-paid projects.

There’s the new boy, who isn’t really “new” strictly speaking, but with whom I’ve got a very new (and kind of really good) thing.

The other day I saw a photo of a chunk of coal (clever Christmas advertising from Absolut), and occurred to me that ever since I can remember I’ve been picturing the lump of coal that Santa leaves in the stockings of naughty boys and girls as a pile of those rounded rectangular briquettes for the grill that come in a bag from the supermarket. I may have even thought it was found in the mine in that convenient shape.

See plenty of material. No execution.

But I have a theory. I think I’m done with this 2002 thing. That’s it, I’ve already put the year to bed and now I’m waiting for the rest of the world to catch up with me. I’ve always been ahead of my time, it’s a curse really. So the next two weeks are like a lame duck session of my life. I’m still waking up and checking in, but nothing is getting much real attention. Thanks to the pops I’m going home for a week of balmy Los Angeles Christmas weather in a few days. And as luck would have it, once again my incredibly inconvenient birthday falls smack in between Christmas and New Years. I hated it when i was a kid because I’d never get the song and cupcakes at school. No matter what, December 29th always falls during winter break. Then there were all the combo presents. But now it’s a drag because it’s just puts just that added 20 lbs of pressure onto the holiday season. It’s going to be lower than low key though. Just renting out a small little bar and two or three clowns. No no. Ixnay on the ownsclay, and the bar too. I’m just thinking parents and a good looking piece of fish in a well lit restaurant.

In my lame duck session I’ve been reading lots of end-of-year lists which are always fun. Breathlessly I’ve been waiting for my favorite, the LA Weekly’s Top Ten Issue, but it seems like I’ll actually be reading that puppy in print next week. Who knows, maybe in the nowhereland between 02 and 03 i’ll write one of my own.

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