I know, I never thought i’d ever sit down and watch an hour of CSPAN2′s BookTV. But well, i sat down, flipped around and only realized it at the end of the hour when it was too late. It was easy actually because Sarah Vowell was on promoting her new book. That girl’s got the goods. Funny, dry, kinda mean, and jeez funny. I liked that she answered a question from the audience, “What will this time in history be remembered for?” (she’s a history buff), with the snarky, “Ummm [long pause], that it sucked?” It’s good that some people can just be downright honestly negative. Especially now.

Unrelated, twice in the last month i heard the term “PoMo” used. At first i didn’t understand.

Me: How was it? [don't remember what "it" was: club? art opening? movie?]

Him: Ok, maybe a bit PoMo for my taste.

Me: Huh? What’s PoMo? [thinking this is possibly a new packaged sweet i haven't tried].

Him: Post Modern

Me: You DID NOT just say that.

Him: Oh yeah i did.

Me: [Groan, sigh, wince, repeat]

The second time was yesterday, and no the groans and winces did not lessen. Actually i think it started with him saying the word cliche, without the “ay” sound at the end. So it was clich, rhymes with niche. What the fuck is that? The word cliche does not need to be shortened. And look, i know about shortening words. I’m from LA. I commonly complement food as being

delish, and refer to clawing hunger as being rav. But these are fun (and long) words. I mean they have more than three syllables for starters. But the main thing is that partly being valleyish/ironic when complementing the food is funny. Ok ok, it’s not really even funny. No one will openly laugh, but it’s a style. Being that way when talking about a book is, well, nauseating.

I suggested that whenever he felt the urge to say something was PoMo, he should immediately replace it with “retarded”. This will change the direction of the remark from pretension with a super size order of trying-too-hard, to sharp and insightful. Watch:

Girl with Glasses: I don’t know, I mean i can’t help but think the whole show was kind of derivative.

You (before): Yeah, I see that too. I think the thing’s got a PoMo feel to it.

You (after): Yeah, I see that too. I think the thing’s got a retarded feel to it.

You (after and even better): Really? I just thought, retarded.

Well, that’s what i go for anyway. Just in case anyone’s trying to impress me. And i don’t have glasses. I don’t know why i put that in there. Maybe for the opposite effect. Like to say here we are buddy, you and me trying to impress, and possibly see naked, this cute girl with glasses who is clearly not me because i don’t wear glasses which is her defining characteristic. In fact it’s her only characteristic right now. And i don’t even wear contact lenses because i have better than perfect vision. Or maybe i was working on a way to sneak in a brag about my better than perfect vision since the day i started this blog. Woah, was that PoMo territory i just looked upon? No, it was just retarded. See!?

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