Nil by Mouth

I found this article, Clip-On

I found this article, Clip-On Tie: The Diary of a New York Art Museum Security Guard, via The Morning News. It’s sort of nice, small. It reminded me of a thing i had with once with a boy the summer after i graduated college. He was a painter, and also a security guard for the Met. That was a compelling combination. Creative yet practical, and in uniform. I have a funny memory of him one morning spit shining his shiny guard shoes, and asking me if i had an iron for his shirt. I didn’t. I did lend him black socks which he was missing. It was cute.

There’s something about waking up with someone who has to put on a uniform. It’s really sweet in a sort of odd way. I used to have to do it when i was waiting tables at a fish restaurant the upper west side, creatively named, Fish Restaurant. They made us wear a white oxford shirt, black pants, black shoes, and this awful awful fish tie. But i remember leaving my then boyfriend’s place in that getup to go work the Sunday brunch shift. I could tell he thought it was cute. Regardless, i could not have hated that fish tie any more than i did.

During one of those brunch shifts one of my partners in fish tie torture leaned into my ear and whispered, “You know what?”

“What?” i said, probably chewing on my pen.

“We smell like fish all the time and we don’t even realize it.”

Oh my god. She was probably right. After that day i started sniffing myself obsessively, to make sure there weren’t whiffs of Broiled Rainbow Trout i had forgotten to scrub off. Yuk. Computer jobs certainly have their upsides.

• Feb 5