I’ve been sitting here having the hiccups for like hours. Like hooouuuurs! Anyone who’s spent enough time with me to figure out that i’m boring (read: my family, former roommates, and a few other unlucky souls) knows that my hiccups are completely out of this world. They are insanely loud and spine-rattlingly intense. At first it’s just funny cause they are just so damn Loud. After about 20 minutes i feel like i might vomit. After 45 minutes i start praying to any deity i’ve ever heard of in passing to just please make me vomit, please. Any longer than that and i start to wonder why in the hell i was ever born; I begin to contemplate the utter emptiness of human existence. Not only does my stomach feel like a foreign body, but my head is pounding and my already low blood pressure has dropped to the point that my fingers might be little orange-winged butterflies off on ten little adventures of their own choosing.
So you can imagine in what state i’m in at the moment. My digestive system has declared war on me. I will not stand for it, i insist. I instruct the offending organ that it’s either with me or against me. I explain patiently that without me my stomach would be pretty much SOL. No food, no oxygenated blood, and certainly no ultra low rise old navy jeans to make it feel pretty. It responds only with a defiant and deafening contraction. The rest of me winces.
So i pull out my last uber weapon, the blog, in hopes that i can distract the evil menace toward capitulation. Is it working? Well that’s really anyone’s guess. I could tell the blog about my day, my week, or just my last hour of continually deciding and then deciding-not-to go out.
[Karen calls and the two of us blather on and on about being productive in our respective "art" (read: what we do to pass hours upon hours where reruns of Friends are unavailable) in Paris.]
Alright alright – somehow i’ve been convinced that a night of wine in Oberkampf will somehow further everyone’s self-worth. Jeezus! Well the hiccups have certainly retreated in the face of that argument.
New Angeles Monthly, June 2008
Weekend America, March 30, 2008
Los Angeles Times, March 13, 2008
Los Angeles Times, March 6, 2008
Nil by Mouth is written by Neille Ilel. Neille is a writer, reporter and user interface specialist in Los Angeles. If you think that's a lot, she's also got a host of meandering sidelines including improv comedy, tennis, cooking, drawing and thinking about learning to play the guitar.
Nil is her given name. It's a long story.
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