Nil by Mouth

Could it possibly not even

Could it possibly not even by 8pm and i am quite seriously considering getting into bed? Wait! It’s not as bad as it sounds.

Woke up ridiculously early to go to the “Medicale Controle” for my work visa which was outside of paris. My appointment was at 8:30. I was quite late anyway, and it was far. Got there, got lost because since the place is outside of paris it’s not on my map. Finally found the street and Whoops i forgot my passport. Brilliant. Back to my house, pick up passport, 3 train transfers again and back to the medical place. Guy at counter asks if i’m 2 1/2 hours late to all my appointments, in this very snide and very irrelevant way considering he’s the security guard, and then more irrelevant considering there is no real appointment, just a maze of lines where you let people in white coats do things to you.

Line 1 : stand against wall for height

Line 2 : scale for weight

Line 3 : vision test

Line 4 (here’s where i starts getting good) : Woman tells me to into this booth take off my necklace and and clothes from the waist up, put on gown. A few minutes later there’s a door on the other side of the booth that sort of magically opens up. Woman opens it to this big room, ohh xray, got it. She shoves me, yes like a real shove, against the machine. I’m thinking this is for TB (?).

Line 5 : pee in cup. I really had too pee so i filled up the whole thing. I remember once when i was a kid peeing in a cup with my mom. And i filled up the whole thing. I go out to where my mom is waiting and hand it to her, and she’s like,

“You don’t have to fill it up to the top. What do you think, you’re handing her cup of damn lemonade?!”

So i’m cracking up at the memory of this, and i hand the lady a full cup of lemonade. She looks at me like the damn foreigner i am.

Line 6 : very very very long line to see doc about all these tests.

Well, i’m all checked out. Tomorrow morning at the prefecture and i should be as french as they come.

• Nov 27