Nil by Mouth

after yesterday, the only thing

after yesterday, the only thing to conclude is that elephants are the weirdest looking creatures ever. i just cannot figure out what is going on underneath their trunk. i know there’s a a mouth in there somewhere, but like, what is going on with the chin?? do elephants have a neck??

[perplexed]

in other news i had a horribly vivid dream (nightmare) last night. this guy asked me to marry him and i kinda thought it was a joke so i said sure. he had a slight resemblance to my current tennis partner. fast forward to us about to be married. the wedding hall was adjacent to an Ikea, and all the guests had to make their way through this crazy furniture obstacle course. it was like Great Adventures but all the coasters were made out of Ikea furniture [shudder]. i was really torn because i could barely spend an hour with this guy let alone a “lifetime”. i also had not put any makeup on and had these huge circles under my eyes. i was living in a dorm and had to go back. i finally decided there was no way i could go through with it and went home and went to sleep. next morning i woke up in J’s loft where all my friends who had come for the wedding were staying. thing is none of them were good friends they were all “friends of friends.” most were irritated that the reception was canceled because i didn’t show up to the ceremony. they wanted their free drinks. i felt bad about that.

well – seems that standard practice is weddings in dreams mean death. odd right? i am thinking the death of my ny life?

in other i’ve just about made up my mind to go to france. i talked to L last night and he is resolved not to spent another winter in the frozen tundra of montreal. the idea of us being in the same city again is worrisome for me. i don’t trust myself to be strong about anything, ever. and i don’t want to repeat (or even come close to) the things that have happened between us in the last months. going away seems like deliverance from that, even if it’s hard. not to mention it ain’t humid in paris, tho it is just lovely here today.

time-waster du jour: Swoon.com.

• Jun 18