Nil by Mouth

my horoscope this week slipped

my horoscope this week slipped in the thought, the more you lose, the more you gain. now what could that mean? lose my brooklyn life and start afresh in paris? lose my job and gain freedom here??

yesterday i ran into this girl W. on the train. it’s kinda funny because W and i have never really been friends. we’ve just been running into each other about once a year for the past 6 years and having sort of “deep” conversations about what the fuck we’re doing with our lives. i met her because she was a friend of my then-boyfriend’s high school girlfriend. yeah.. it’s a bit sketch. said boyfriend had the brilliant idea that me and his ex would be really good friends. i can sort of relate to his thinking. i think we all can sort of see how our significant others would/should/could get along real well. but in practice it is way too weird for many reasons. you never know that when you are 18 tho. so i met W through her and yesterday, for the first time in forever, we went and had a couple drinks.

it was neat – i have so few friends these days who are so earnest about being an “artist.” she wants to make films in beirut, i think. who knows why – they do have a film festival i guess, and the landscape seems cinematic for sure. anyway, we talked about family, films, where you are supposed to be at 24, angelina jolie, and of course, paris. we actually ran into each other one summer in paris. and i went to her apartment which was a really small studio that she shared with another woman. silly as i was then, i saw one big bed and was like,

“you have a roommate here? you two must really get along.”

and she was like,

“uh yeah, you could say that.”

the possibility of her being gay only dawned on me much later. what a dope i sounded like!? hah!

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side note: this guy just called me because i showed up on his caller ID at 8:35pm last night. he knew my name and everything. i’ve called this guy by accident before too because his number is one digit away from a friend’s number. so he’s called me before with this same question, pronouncing my name quite wrong, of course. the days of calling the wrong number and hanging up on a strangers answering machine without having to explain yourself are over, i guess. i mean doesn’t he feel stupid calling me? what is he expecting a strangers hang-up-on-an-answering-machine call to turn out to be? “Hi yeah i’m so-and-so and i’m actually your long lost daughter..” or something.. ?? just strange..

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anyway i now forgot what if anything i had to say about W except i’m glad i ran into her and i feel like it’s another sign from above that i should go away.. i mean if she can go to beirut for chrissakes.. (btw “chrissakes” under spell-checking brings up “teriyakis”)…

i think i’m supposed to be drawing elephants at the moment [sigh]….

• Jun 16