last night a supposed to be a blast but was a bust. maybe i’m too sensitive but the world seems to me really really mean. after a disappointing foray out into the world, i came home and found An American in Paris showing on pbs. i couldn’t watch it through the end because i was tired, i really wanted my day to be over, and i really could not believe Gene Kelly was a struggling painter. i have to remember 50s musicals are NOT cinéma vérité. heh. anyway i feel like all the signs from above are pointing me towards defection. but more and more in my heart i want to stay in brooklyn.
so yeah last night. after vacillating on this party for hours, trying on everything in my closet. making 3 “half” costumes – i just went to the thing in a dress i liked. and then the “more-subversive-than-thou door” people would not let up on my not being in costume. i tried to introduce myself, but found myself defending my choice of attire with every breath. how fucking lame is that?! i was searching around for a single friendly face to rescue me but i didn’t recognize the people around me. after about 5 minutes of hassle i turned around and walked back out into the misty night.
i knew i’d regret missing the second one of these, but i couldn’t imagine having to face those awful door people. [sigh] maybe i’m too damn sensitive these days. it’s a bummer though because i think i may have been way wrong about this whole nyc bman community thing. it’s not open and accepting. it’s just as exclusive and judgmental as everything else. i think i oughta be thankful for the nice people i have met and cut my losses.
why can’t it be sunny???
New Angeles Monthly, June 2008
Weekend America, March 30, 2008
Los Angeles Times, March 13, 2008
Los Angeles Times, March 6, 2008
Nil by Mouth is written by Neille Ilel. Neille is a writer, reporter and user interface specialist in Los Angeles. If you think that's a lot, she's also got a host of meandering sidelines including improv comedy, tennis, cooking, drawing and thinking about learning to play the guitar.
Nil is her given name. It's a long story.
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