ok ok ok lost it

ok ok ok

lost it again for a bit last night. i am feeling slightly better this morning. the day is always better than the night. after the dusk is always a dawn. off the bat i found 3 of the missing bob marley songs. it’s funny on Confrontation (1983) you can totally hear that 80s synthesizer rear it’s ugly head… and that popp-y post disco beat. it’s funny. makes ya wonder if they woulda all graduated to grunge and hip-hop and.. i dunno, whatever “it” is now. i’m only slick enough to get “it” after it’s over [shrug]. what do i care!?!?

ok – so me feeling better. woke up late – walked barely awake to the train and it dawned on me that i could just futz around and wait tables.. start smoking again.. start painting again… i could just maintain 10,000 blogs. maybe i could pick up on my party life of a few years ago and start a real racy site and have adbanners pay my rent. ya think? … yeah me neither. ok but still. i gotta start thinking more about freedom and less about loss. and either way if i just think about things differently…

i know everybody’s already given me this advice but it’s hard to swallow ya know. i absolutely loved being alone in paris before. why wouldn’t i again? what am i afraid of?

i guess i’ll haver to give that some thought. meanwhile what the fuck is up with the insane amount of taxes ya gotta pay o’er there? what are they, fucking commies?

more of me looking at the bright side. i get to be a member of the delightfully witty community of expats. (though the being an expat sounds awfully romantic doesn’t it?

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